Trailer Snark (January 27, 2017 Theatrical Trailers)

Welcome to Trailer Snark, a weekly column covering trailers for movies that will be released this week with thoughts from our roster of bloggers (Jessica from The Female Perspective, Ken from The Crank File, Jim from The Front Row View, Rob from Spector for Hire, and Great Stories founder Chris).  Thanks for reading, and enjoy the previews!

Editorial Disclaimer from Chris:  In last week’s Trailer Snark, I slagged XXX: Return of Xander Cage pretty hard and basically promised to not see it.  Sadly, I could not keep my promise as my son’s birthday request was to go see said movie.  Fate is such a cruel mistress.  After watching it, I still stand by everything I said before.  It was awful!

Resident Evil: The Final Chapter (Screen Gems) – Action/Horror/Sci-Fi
Rated R for sequences of violence throughout
Tag Line: The journey ends.
Starring:  Milla Jovovich, Ali Larter, Ruby Rose
Plot: Picking up immediately after the events in Resident Evil: Retribution, Alice is the only survivor of what was meant to be humanity’s final stand against the undead. Now, she must return to where the nightmare began – The Hive in Raccoon City, where the Umbrella Corporation is gathering its forces for a final strike against the only remaining survivors of the apocalypse.
Running Time: 106 minutes

Jim: Two questions—Why do trailers like these seem as long as the movie itself? And does Milla Jovovich ever age?
Jessica: I’m so over these movies. I’ll pass.
Chris: This series has been truly uneven in result, but I can’t help but be pulled in to what promises to be the closure of this long-running genre series.  Milla has proven herself to be a worthy action star with her intensity and appeal. 

A Dog’s Purpose (Universal) – Adventure/Comedy/Drama
Rated PG for thematic elements and some peril
Tag Line: Every dog happens for a reason.
Starring: Josh Gad, Dennis Quaid
Plot: A dog looks to discover his purpose in life over the course of several lifetimes and owners.
Running Time: 120 minutes

Chris: Certainly looks better than Kevin Spacey’s turn as a cat, but not my kind of big screen viewing. Who would have thought such a cute movie would come with such controversy aside?
Jim: Awwwww! How can you NOT be into this trailer?! I’ll even forgive it for playing Peter Gabriel’s Solsbury Hill, surely the most overused trailer song of all time.
Jessica: No way, the videos and investigation of animal abuse on the st of this film has turned me off from a movie that already looked pretty trite to me anyway. I love animals and cannot support anything that might be suspected of abusing them.

Gold (Dimension) – Adventure/Drama/Thriller
Rated R for language throughout and some sexuality/nudity
Tag Line: It was never about the money.
Starring: Matthew McConaughey, Edgar Ramirez, Bruce Dallas Howard, Cory Stoll
Plot: Kenny Wells, a prospector desperate for a lucky break, teams up with a similarly eager geologist and sets off on a journey to find gold in the uncharted jungle of Indonesia.
Running Time: 121 minutes
Jessica: I have adored Matthew since Dazed and Confused so I watch his movies whenever I can. He’s only gotten better with age. This one looks fantastic.
Chris: The only thing missing was an inner monologue from McConaughey.  Looks excellent!
Jim: It’s got Matthew M, so it must be worth seeing, at  least at home.

Tickets Purchased:  2 for Gold (Jim and Jessica) and 1 for Resident Evil (Chris)


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