Trailer Snark (January 20, 2017 Theatrical Trailers)

Welcome to Trailer Snark, a weekly column covering trailers for movies that will be released this week with thoughts from our roster of bloggers (Jessica from The Female Perspective, Ken from The Crank File, Jim from The Front Row View, Rob from Spector for Hire, and Great Stories founder Chris).  Thanks for reading, and enjoy the previews!

xXx: The Return of Xander Cage (Paramount) – Action
Rated PG-13 for extended sequences of gunplay and violent action, and for sexual material and language
Tag Line: Kick some ass, get the girl, and try to look dope while you’re doing it.
Starring: Vin Diesel, Donnie Yen, Deepika Padukone, Samuel Jackson
Plot: Xander Cage is left for dead after an incident, though he secretly returns to action for a new, tough assignment with his handler Augustus Gibbons.
Running Time: 107 minutes

Chris: I didn’t like the original, and I don’t plan on entertaining the sequel.  Vin Diesel is probably the most overrated action star in Hollywood.
Jessica: NO THANK YOU. I got mad love for Vin, but I didnt like the first one, I don’t want to see a second one.
Jim: This was going along well until that cheesy shot of him running out of the plane at the end. I dunno…

Split (Universal) – Horror/Thriller
Rated PG-13 for disturbing thematic content and behavior, violence and some language
Tag Line: Kevin has 23 distinct personalities. The 24th is about to be unleashed.
Starring: James McAvoy, Anya Taylor-Joy
Plot: After three girls are kidnapped by a man with 24 distinct personalities they must find some of the different personalities that can help them while running away and staying alive from the others.
Running Time: 117 minutes

Jim: In 18 years, M Night has made one good movie, The Sixth Sense. Pass.
Chris: I am the sad fool who keeps hoping that Shymalan is not the one trick pony that he is known to be.  And like so many of his trailers, this one seems to be full of the promise of a creepy and entertaining ride.  But that has been a familiar feeling with each release after The Sixth Sense.
Jessica: I adore McAvoy, but I detest Sxamalanan, oh however you spell it, I really really really REALLY don’t like this movies. Really don’t. So just in case you’re wondering, this is a pass for me.

The Founder (Weinstein Company) – Biography/Drama/History
Rated PG-13 for brief strong language
Tag Line: He took someone else’s idea and America ate it up.
Starring: Michael Keaton, Nick Offerman
Plot: The story of Ray Kroc, a salesman who turned two brothers’ fast food eatery, McDonald’s, into one of the biggest restaurant businesses in the world.
Running Time: 115 minutes

Jessica: I love seeing Keaton back in the movies and this looks really interesting. Totally something I’d want to see.
Jim: Yes! Another part of the triumphant return of Michael Keaton. Definitely a must-see.
Chris:  Aside from the fact that Michael Keaton is a national treasure, I find the birth of industry and commercial enterprise fascinating.  To see the humble beginnings of what would soon become a giant makes for great entertainment.

The Sunshine Makers (FilmRise) – Documentary
Not Rated
Tag Line:  None
Starring: Nick Sand, Tim Scully
Plot: The story of Nicholas Sand and Tim Scully, the unlikely duo at the heart of 1960s American drug counter-culture.
Running Time: I don’t know man…I’m freakin’ out here. 101 minutes.

Chris: Watching this for me is akin to watching people orchestrating a train wreck.  I suggest art and sport as escapism.  Screw the drugs.
Jessica: This had me at LSD.
Jim: Looks freaky, man.

The Resurrection of Gavin Stone (High Top Releasing) – Comedy/Drama
Rated PG for thematic elements including a crucifixion image.
Tag Line: If church can change him it will be a miracle.
Starring: Brett Dalton, Shawn Michaels, Anjelah Johnson-Reyes
Plot: A washed-up former child star, forced to do community service at a local megachurch, pretends to be a Christian to land the part of Jesus in their annual Passion Play, only to discover that the most important role of his life is far from Hollywood.
Running Time: 92 minutes
Jim: Been done before, but it looks entertaining enough.
Chris: Looks charming enough, but has a total tv movie feel to it.  Nice to see Brett Dalton again though.
Jessica: Oh Brett Dalton, this is such a … Massive cliche. Though that being said, if I was sad and bored and it was free, I might watch it.

Detour (Magnet Releasing) – Thriller
Rated R for some strong violence, sexual content, nudity, drug use, and language throughout
Tag Line: None
Starring: Tye Sheridan, Emory Cohen
Plot: A young law student blindly enters into a pact with a man who offers to kill his stepfather, whom he feels is responsible for the accident that sent his mother into a coma.
Running Time: 97 minutes

Jessica: I have a weird suspicion this has a twist, like a “Fight Club” twist going on…Meh
Jim: Worth a look if it’s free.
Chris: Absorbed me with the dual personality trailer.  Not sure I’d hit the theaters to see it, but I’ll be putting this one on my watch list.

The Red Turtle (Sony Picture Classics) – Animation/Fantasy
Rated PG for some thematic elements and peril
Tag Line: None
Starring: A red turtle and some dude
Plot: The dialogue-less film follows the major life stages of a castaway on a deserted tropical island populated by turtles, crabs and birds.
Running Time: 80 minutes

Chris:  No dialogue animated film.  I appreciate the interpretive nature of such films, but at the end of the day, it does not hold much interest for me.  I think I might max out at about 20 minutes before losing interest.
Jessica: Interesting.
Jim: Another beautiful and amazing-looking effort from Ghibli. I’m a sucker for things like this.

Tickets Purchased: Three for The Founder (Jim, Chris, and Jessica) and Jim pulls double duty with a showing of The Red Turtle.

McDonald's Fries should be sanctioned by theaters, and mandatory concession snack for showings of The Founder
McDonald’s Fries should be sanctioned by theaters, and mandatory concession snack for showings of The Founder


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