Trailer Snark (September 2, 2016 Theatrical Trailers)

Welcome to Trailer Snark, a weekly column covering trailers for movies that will be released this week with thoughts from our roster of bloggers (Jessica from The Female Perspective, Ken from The Crank File, Jim from The Front Row View, Rob from Spector for Hire, and Great Stories founder Chris).  Thanks for reading, and enjoy the previews!

Last Week: Horror entry Don’t Breathe scared up $26.1M in its debut to take hold of the tops at the box office last weekend.  The only other movie to break double digits was Suicide Squad at number two ($12.1M/$282.8M).  Kubo and the Two Strings was third ($7.9M/$24.9M), Sausage Party in fourth ($7.6M/$80M), and Mechanic Resurrection debuted at number five with $7.5M.  The rest of the list went as follows:  Pete’s Dragon ($7.2M/$54.7M), War Dogs ($7.2M/$27.7), Bad Moms ($5.7M/$95.4M), Jason Bourne ($5.2M/$149.3M), and Ben-Hur ($4.5M/$19.5M).  Let’s check out this week’s new releases!

The Light Between Oceans (Walt Disney) – Drama
Rated PG-13 for thematic material and some sexual content
Tag Line: Love demands everything.
Starring:  Michael Fassbender, Alicia Vikander, Rachel Weisz
Plot: A lighthouse keeper and his wife living off the coast of Western Australia raise a baby they rescue from an adrift rowboat.
Running Time: 132 minutes

Chris: That was quite a moving trailer.  Heartbreaking subject matter…prepare thyself.
Jessica: Looks compelling, but all the trailer did was make me want to read the book and not watch the movie till I’d done so.
Ken: Wow, heavy subject matter.  Looks heart wrenching, Maybe for home.

Morgan (Twentieth Century Fox) – Horror/Thriller
Rated R for brutal violence, and some language
Tag Line: Don’t Let It Out
Starring:  Kate Mara, Paul Giamatti, Rose Leslie
Plot: A corporate risk-management consultant must decide whether or not to terminate an artificially created humanoid being.
Running Time: 92 minutes

Ken: I’d rather revisits Stranger Things for the fourth time.
Chris: Decent enough looking thriller….just not good enough to get me to the theater, especially with Netflix’ Stranger Things still so fresh in my mind.
Jessica: Eh. Could be really good, but Eleven rocks way more than this Morgan person. Can’t trust a kid with powers that doesn’t like waffles.

31 (Saban Films) – Horror
Rated R for strong bloody horror violence, pervasive language, sexual content and drug use
Tag Line: A Rob Zombie Film.
Starring: Elizabeth Daily, Malcolm McDowell, Meg Foster
Plot: Five carnival workers are kidnapped and held hostage in an abandoned, Hell-like compound where they are forced to participate in a violent game, the goal of which is to survive twelve hours against a gang of sadistic clowns.
Running Time: 102 minutes

Jessica: I love Rob Zombie. Even Lords of Salem (to me) wasn’t all bad. Though I very much dislike Halloween II. All his other films are fantastic. This has that same potential. I’d totally see it, especially leading into my favorite season, Halloween!
Ken: So that’s where the Joker shops for henchmen. Rob Zombie flick so you know it’s going to disturbing to the max.
Chris: Zombie’s last film Lords of Salem was a catastrophe.  I am going to be approaching this one with all caution.

The 9th Life of Louis Drax (Summit Premiere) – Mystery/Thriller
Rated R for some disturbing images and brief strong language
Tag Line: A mystery beyond reality.
Starring: Jamie Dornan, Sarah Gadon
Plot: A psychologist who begins working with a young boy who has suffered a near-fatal fall finds himself drawn into a mystery that tests the boundaries of fantasy and reality.
Running Time: 108 minutes

Chris: OK, now this is a mystery/thriller that might get me off the couch!  Aja is a capable director too.
Jessica: Looks alright, I’d watch this at home though. Definitely not a theater film.
Ken: That was essentially the first three episodes of Game of Thrones.

Yoga Hosers (Invincible Pictures) – Comedy/Horror
Rated PG-13 for crude humor, sexual references, comic violence, and brief drug material
Tag Line: Do your ‘wurst…
Starring: Harley Quinn Smith, Lily-Rose Depp, Johnny Depp, Justin long
Plot: Two teenage yoga enthusiasts team up with a legendary man-hunter to battle with an ancient evil presence that is threatening their major party plans.
Running Time: 88 minutes

Ken: I have a weakness for Kevin Smith movies but this looks like a pretty lame vehicle to launch his and Depp’s daughters’ movie careers.
Chris: Kevin Smith’s move towards off-beat horror has yielded mixed results.  Red State was terrible, but Tusk was surprisingly twisted good.  This one features characters from the latter, but the trailer looked pretty low rent.
Jessica: I didn’t even make it through the trailer. I really think Kevin Smith has lost it. After that damn Walrus movie I just can’t see what he’s thinking anymore. BIG pass on this one.

White Girl (FilmRise) – Drama
Not rated
Tag Line: None
Starring: Morgan Saylor, Justin Bartha
Plot: Summer, New York City. A college girl falls hard for a guy she just met. After a night of partying goes wrong, she goes to wild extremes to get him back.
Running Time: 88 minutes

Jessica: It’s big shoes to fill to say it’s as good as “Kids”, not sure it can live up to that, but I’d give this a watch at home.
Chris: Druggie girl debauchery.  Pass.
Ken: Druggie girl debauchery. Pass… the popcorn.

Max Rose (Paladin) – Drama/Comedy
Not Rated
Tag Line: The legend is back.
Starring: Jerry Lewis, Kerry Bishe, Kevin Pollak
Plot: A jazz pianist makes a discovery days before the death of his wife that causes him to believe his sixty-five year marriage was a lie. He embarks on an exploration of his own past that brings him face to face with a menagerie of characters from a bygone era.
Running Time: 83 minutes

Ken: I think it’s a universal truth that the older you get the more you appreciate the wisdom of the elderly.
Jessica: I wouldn’t see a movie just because “The legend Jerry Lewis” is in it, but I would see this because the story looks to be quite touching and well done. I’m a sucker for long-term loves and learning lessons and all that.
Chris: Have to say that after all this time, seeing Jerry Lewis make it back to the big screen has a certain appeal.  Charming trailer for the Rat Pack member.

Tickets Purchased: Two for 31 (Jessica and Ken) and One for The 9th Life of Louis Drax (Chris)

Remember the fun times we had at the carnival before Rob Zombie and his goons tortured us?
Remember the fun times we had at the carnival before Rob Zombie and his goons tortured us?
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