Trailer Snark (January 29, 2016 Theatrical Trailers)

Welcome to Trailer Snark, a weekly column covering trailers for movies that will be released this week with thoughts from our roster of bloggers (Jessica from The Female Perspective, Ken from The Crank File, Jim from The Front Row View, Rob from Spector for Hire, and Great Stories founder Chris).  Thanks for reading, and enjoy the previews!

Last Week: The Force Awakens was finally dethroned as Box Office Champion, and it wasn’t even a brand new debut that managed it.  The Revenant with Leonardo DiCaprio took the top spot with $16M in receipts to bring its domestic haul to $119M.  The aforementioned Star Wars sequel placed second with $14.2M added to its astounding $879.2M domestic total.  In third was Ride Along 2 with $12.9M ($59.1M overall).  A trio of new releases occupied the next slots and all came in with very closely matched numbers.  Dirty Grandpa led this group with $11.5M, The Boy with $11.2M in the fifth overall spot, and 5th Wave in sixth with $10.7M.  13 Hours fell to seventh ($9.7M/$33.4M), Daddy’s Home in eighth ($5.2M/$138.7M), Norm of the North tumbling to ninth ($4.1M/$14.2M), and The Big Short closing out the top ten ($3.5M/$56.7M).  This week is a bit light on the release schedule, and here is the lineup.

Kung Fu Panda 3 (Dreamworks) – Animated/Family
Rated PG for martial arts action and some mild rude humor
Tag Line: Grab destiny by the rice dumplings.
Starring:  Jack Black, Bryan Cranston
Plot: Continuing his “legendary adventures of awesomeness”, Po must face two hugely epic, but different threats: one supernatural and the other a little closer to his home.
Running Time: 95 minutes

Jim: My daughter and I love these movies so, sorry, I’m biased. We’re definitely seeing Po this weekend.
Rob: We love this series of films too.  Will probably just wait and buy it digitally in a few months though unless my youngest forces the issue.
Jessica: I loved the first one but never saw the 2nd and so maybe I’ll have a marathon someday to catch up but also, maybe not.
Ken: The adorable meter is off the charts. More of an at home kind of movie.
Chris:  I prefer Hong Kong Phooey.

The Finest Hours (Disney) – Drama/Action
Rated PG-13 for intense sequences of peril
Tag Line: 32 survivors.  Room for 12.
Starring: Chris Pine, Casey Affleck, Ben Foster
Plot: The Coast Guard makes a daring rescue attempt off the coast of Cape Cod after a pair of oil tankers are destroyed during a blizzard in 1952.
Running Time: 117 minutes

Chris:  The sea terrifies me, which only ups the dramatic scale.  Count me in!
Jim: If I weren’t from New England, would I have such an issue with Hollywood’s bogus New England accents? Actors must study old tapes of JFK and think they’ve nailed it. Once I get past the annoying accents, the movie might be worth a look.
Rob: Looks pretty decent.  I’d hit up a Red Box for this down the road.
Jessica: Their accents don’t bug me at all. I love a true story like this and I enjoy Chris Pine so I’d watch this at home.
Ken: Could be a fun one to watch on the big screen. Because you know they live.

Fifty Shades of Black (Open Road Films) – Comedy
Rated R for strong crude sexual content including some graphic nudity, and for language throughout.
Tag Line: Way shadier than gray.
Starring: Marlon Wayans, Kali Hawk, Fred Willard, Jane Seymour
Plot: An inexperienced college student meets a wealthy businessman whose sexual practices put a strain on their relationship.
Running Time: 92 minutes

Ken: Should have been called Fifty Shades of White. How many black people do you know with the last name Black?  This movie looks so bad… you’re a cruel overlord for making us watch that trailer.
Chris: The source material was a bad joke to start.  Did we really need a spoof?
Jim: As if Fifty Shades of Gray wasn’t hilarious enough. This looks dumb enough to be enjoyable.
Rob: Pass.  I’d pass twice if that’s an option.
Jessica: Eh. The original movie is funnier than this stuff.

Jane Got a Gun (Weinstein Company) – Action/Drama/Western
Rated R for violence and some language
Tag Line: Strength, justice, power, vengeance.
Starring:  Natalie Portman, Ewan MacGregor, Joel Edgerton
Plot: A woman asks her ex-lover for help in order to save her outlaw husband from a gang out to kill him.
Running Time: 98 minutes
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XsTWArbgeD8
Jessica: Hmmm…intriguing but not movie theater intriguing.
Ken: McGregor channeling Burt Reynolds into that mustache. I’m usually down for a good, old-timey Western, but I’m not sure that Jane is going to qualify. TV, maybe.
Chris: I wanted to like this trailer more than I did.  Hope it pleasantly surprises me on the small screen.
Jim: This touches upon just about every Western cliché in existence, but still looks engrossing. Hopefully this is Black Swan- level Natalie and not Star Wars prequels- level Natalie.
Rob: Natalie Portman!   Ok, I’ll rent this one too down the road.

Tickets Purchased: Two for The Finest Hours (Ken and Chris), two for Kung Fu Panda 3 (Jim and Jessica), and Rob goes to see Star Wars for the tenth time.

Po Panda!
Po Panda!
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